A Freedom Song
I had a moment of redemption last night. I felt the strong need to go for a walk before bed. Sue, my wife, asked why and I told her I needed to have a chat with The Lord. I am made to “take a hike” and converse with Him. It seems that my best times with Him are on the road or trail away from my normal surroundings. No distractions, just nature and the one who created it all. Kind of like a date! I go out of my way to intentionally meet with my lover.
Last night was especially beautiful. There were passing clouds and a great breeze from the storm headed up the Eastern seaboard and to top it off- a full moon !
As I began to tell The Lord how I felt- lost, confused, weary from the fight and just plain exhausted from the struggle to regain the intimacy of the Lover of my soul!
As I confessed how I felt, a process I have done many times over the last 8 months of my struggle, something happened inside of me.
A sweet sense of resignation and surrender! An understanding and acceptance that I would be in my current state of brokenness until the trial finished its perfect work in me. That, regardless of how I got here, I was to sit back and relax and stop striving to regain what was lost- And to trust The Lord in the process.
Immediately, I began to sing a made up song about surrender and trust specific to my situation. I could not repeat the rhythm or words if I had to. It was a spontaneous response from my heart to the One who made this revelation possible.
As my new found resignation took hold today, I found myself on the receiving end of truth. Painful yet beautiful TRUTH! Jesus was soo right when He said “the truth will set you free”!
You see, the thing about truth is- you can gain a head knowledge of the truth long before your heart catches up. I have known for quite some time that my current trial was brought on by an assault from the evil one. He had been tempting and goading me for quite some time to respond to a very difficult family situation out of fear.
One day in early February, Sue and I were watching a movie about broken relationships, when the evil one shot an arrow of fear into my heart. Not realizing what had just happened, I responded in a “valiant” way and promised to “do everything I could” to fix the situation.
In stead of stopping and bringing it to The Lord , I let the fear take hold which led to a knee jerk reaction and a power grab for control. To confuse the matter all the more, my sin… Acting in fear in stead of faith and then choosing the path of control, was masked or covered over by my valiant and good intentions!
Proverbs 14:12
12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.
James 1
14 But we are tempted when we are drawn away and trapped by our own evil desires. 15 Then our evil desires conceive and give birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.
Of course, at the root of my “good intentions” were pride and arrogance. I did not trust The Father to handle the situation , nor did I like His timing. My poser resurfaced in ” all his glory!”
Proverbs 16:18
18 Pride leads to destruction, and arrogance to downfall.
Anytime we give in to temptation and go our own way, we die. As a Christian we are still saved, but like Peter, when He denied knowing The Lord three times, his relationship with Jesus temporarily died and it was only restored when The storm was finished and its perfect work in Peter complete. Then Jesus himself came and restored Peter to relationship. I believe the Lord used this experience to lead Peter to write the following verse-
1 Peter 5:10
10 But after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who calls you to share his eternal glory in union with Christ, will himself perfect you and give you firmness, strength, and a sure foundation.
As Jesus often does…. He confirms what He has just revealed to my heart. Wow! It is no coincidence that today’s Daily Reading from Ransomed Heart Ministries is about……
Resignation
Resignation is not just the sigh that groans with something gone wrong. Such a sigh can be redemptive if it does not let go of the Haunting we have all experienced of something presently lost. Resignation is the acceptance of the loss as final. It is the condition in which we choose to see good as no longer startling in its beauty and boldness, but simply as “nice.” Evil is no longer surprising; it is normal.
It is from this place of heart resignation where many of us, perhaps all of us at one time or another, having suffered under the storm of life’s Arrows, give up on the Sacred Romance. But our heart will not totally forsake the intimacy and adventure we were made for and so we compromise. We both become, and take to ourselves, lovers that are less dangerous in their passion for life and the possible pain that comes with it-in short, lovers that are less wild.
Those of us who have been drawn to understand that God is our Father through conversion in Christ recapture the Romance again-for a while. We find ourselves again in the throes of first love. The Romance we thought we had left behind once more appears out on the road ahead of us as a possible destination. God is in his heaven and all seems right in the universe.
But this side of Eden, even relationship with God brings us to a place where a deeper work in our heart is called for if we are to be able to continue our spiritual journey. It is in this desert experience of the heart, where we are stripped of the protective clothing of the roles we have played in our smaller stories, that the Message of the Arrows reasserts itself. Healing, repentance, and faith are called for in ways we have not known previously. At this place on our journey, we face a wide and deep chasm that refuses us passage through self-effort. And it is God’s intention to use this place to eradicate the final heart walls and obstacles that separate us from him.
(The Sacred Romance , 126, 127)
